It's been raining here non-stop for the last 2-3 days, which pretty much keeps me from taking my daily walk. I have an inspection this afternoon, and should probably be cleaning anyway. Someone in their lovely infinite wisdom decided to call CPS and tell them I have no food in the house, even though my cabinets are almost always well stocked. Knowing my luck it is Whit's father on a revenge kick again, still trying to control our lives afrom afar. I wish he would go on with his own miserable life and leave me out of it, I left that control freak for a reason eleven years ago, and I'd prefer not to deal with him anymore. He needs to run his own house and keep his nose out of mine.

     I talked with Greg for a long time last couple nights and this morning about a lot of whats been going on.  I just hope he does know I appreciate his friendship, and having him there to talk to. It is nice to have a good christian man level with you about the male point of view when it comes to things, especially this whole Chaz breakup disaster. He has helped me a lot more than I think he will ever know.

     Out of all the friends that have been there for me the last few months, Greg and Hannie have been the most consistent. Both listen, Greg tells me the guy's point of view, both give me reality checks when I get to feeling sorry about things, and Hannie kicks me in the booty, with love of course, when I need it. I don't know how many times I have heard "Oh for the love of Buddha, girl.." the last few months. LOL

     I went shopping for a priced a digital camera to help me with the artwork projects that I really want to start doing. Turns out that the quality of camera I need and a memory card are going to cost about $220 dollars by the time I am done paying on it all. I am messing around making the avatars for right now, but if I want to start making album covers and website graphics professionally, I have to have a way to take my own shots and not rely on other people's photography. Eventually I hope to get as good at this as Rex is.

     I am going to stop writing for now, going to make some breakfast and then get moving on cleaning so I am not putting it off until the very last minute…cause I know me. Procrastination is a bad habit I'm really going to have to work on getting rid of.

You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.Which ever way you turn you feel that you are being utterly thwarted. There is considerable conflict in the air but you will stick to your beliefs and not be deterred in endeavouring to attain your objectives. You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary of being drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie and leave well alone. But there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow and very soon – sooner than you believed possible – this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate.

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships – that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' – someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination.

You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth. Matters are not all that they would appear to be and you are critical of the existing conditions which you feel are confused and disorganised. You are therefore looking for a modus operendi which will simplify the situation so that you will be able to see the 'trees in the woods'.

     I haven't gotten much done today, considering everything. No daily walk has been taken, although we did make the bank and get lunch on the way home. She's finally decided to take a nap, so there's really nothing to do but sit here, surf the net and twiddle my thumbs. Maybe I'll catch a catnap now myself.

     Even in my mind, I knew there was no one there, it was almost like taking one last look around. Though I can still picture everything that happened there, it just feels like something out of a dream now. Maybe with all thats happened this week, my mind is finally starting to do some letting go on its own. I guess it just seems a lot harder when I'm awake.

Which ever way you turn you feel that you are being utterly thwarted. There is considerable conflict in the air but you will stick to your beliefs and not be deterred in endeavouring to attain your objectives.

You are prepared to establish a particular relationship that is being made available to you at this time. It could be a satisfactory liaison but there could be a certain amount of conflict involved -try to avoid direct confrontation at all costs.

You are experiencing considerable stress which is essentially the result of on going rejection and hostility. You are in the unpleasant position where offers of trust, affection and understanding are being withheld and you are being treaded with a degrading lack of consideration. You feel that you are being denied the appreciation that you deserve, which is essential to your well-being and self-esteem, but you have to face up to the situation because as matters stand at this time there is little that you can do about it – you feel that you are getting nowhere and the continuous struggle is a lonely one: all difficulties and no encouragement. Whatever you try to say or do is met with continuous hostility and no matter how much you protest you are consistently misunderstood. You need to escape from the situation but you are so perplexed that you cannot find the strength of mind to make the necessary decision.

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.

     The first thing I bid on was a piece of engraved cranberry glass, which I was convinced would go a lot higher. It was dated 1929…got it for a song at $9.     

     Then I bid on an entire box of old dishes for $2 just to get the 5 matching depression glass plates at the bottom, apparently the guy had no idea how much the plates really could have gone for…hehe     

     I also bid on an antique silver and mother of pearl spoon and fork set for a baby, with 3 anitique oneida baby spoons…went for $4.     

     For my daughter I bid $4 on a hand painted and numbered statue of what appears to be bambi…definitely old…a guy I showed it to says he thinks it may be worth about $100…that would be cool..      

     I also got a very cool brass and marble statue of birds in flight for $4 no idea who the maker is but it is simply gorgeous..     

     My last buy of the day was an old carnival glass candy dish, amazingly enough… for only $8. I took it over and gave it to my grandmother who has a very large collection of glassware. Grandpa says it was a downright steal for what I paid for it. All in all I think I did rather well, or at least hope that I did.     

     My stomach is still not quite back to normal today, but I'm hoping before long I will be over this. Being sick is really no fun, but it was nice to get a chance to get out and get some air.