This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

     I have been asked by a certain party to no longer write about him in my blog. He  is apparently worried that something I may write will soil his reputation. I mean, heaven forbid anyone know the real him. Wether I care for him or not, he is playing way too many games, and he needs to start being honest with himself and others. I am sorry that he can't deal with the open book that I sometimes am with my life.

     Sometimes it's hard to deal with the fact that this person no longer cares for you, and is only now concerned with himself, and his own image. It just puzzles me to see how he expects me to not know when I am being lied to. I have eyes, and ears, and though I am not a super genius, I do have a good mind. He doesn't seem to understand that I have seen all these games before, and now that I have taken the blinders off, I know when I am being mislead. I cant even feel free to write about the events of the last 24 hours without wondering when I am going to get a phone call lecturing me about it. For those that really need to know, I write this next post…it isn't pretty…

     Why is it that someone that says they cannot be with you, will call out of the blue claiming to miss you? Trying to get over him has been hard enough without him popping up every few days to weeks to just stir those feelings up again. I'm not so convinced it isn't just because he isn't getting any from his new girlfriend, and he just wants to use me until he can have her. He doesn't understand that of course I am going to assume the worst of him now until he proves otherwise. I trusted him with our life and future together and he betrayed that, I don't see how he can expect anything but doubt from me. The longer I have looked back on the time we spent together, the clearer I have seen his selfish motivation in a lot of the things he did. He has gotten by in life on charm and the goodness and generosity of others, and probably will continue to do so as long as there is someone else waiting in line to take him in. Mr. Rockstar needs a serious reality check I just wish people would stop babying and bailing him out so he has to finally grow up for a change.

I have no idea why my neighbors think that I am so bad off financially. It is true, I am far from wealthy, but over the last month my daughter has been given 3 pairs of brand new shoes, 2 pairs of sandals, half a dozen pairs of pants, and a dress. I have had dinner bought for us, received a humungous easter basket for her, and been invited over for random lunches across the alley. Who are these people and just what have they done with my neighbors?

Here is a testing page for my site…and yes, I know the links on the page don't work…they are to pages that haven't been built yet, so bear with me…Please let me know what you think.

(Much thanks to Syndel from Serenda Designs &  Seductive Fury for the lovely banner.)

 Heres the link to the test site:

Metal Angel

It always seems that the tears come back at the most unexpected of times. I was sitting here at the computer earlier, and had media player on random when the song "You Still Smile" by Deliverance popped up. Not many people would understand why I sat and cried without knowing the song. It wasn't only the song itself, which is very lovely and sad I might add, but also another memory I have connected to it. My ex is a rather well known vocalist in the christian metal genre of music. I remember one evening when he was home him putting that particular CD in the stereo and singing along with the track while hugging me and sort of dancing (not that either of us really dance..it was more rocking in place) Jimmy Brown is a mentor of his, and at times, they do tend to sound eerily alike anyway. So the next thing I know, I'm sitting here crying my eyes out. Its just like I said in my post on valentines day:

 Even good memories can break your heart later, when the person connected to them is gone…

I am 18% Idiot.

I am not annoying at all. In fact most people come to me for advice. Of course they annoy the hell out of me. But what can I do? I am smarter than most people.

Take the
Idiot Test
@ FualiDotCom

I got my domain name yesterday, and hopefully I can soon find someone to help me get a small website and a wordpress blog up on it. I don't need much space, just enough for the blog and some writing projects. The problem is once I have hosting I still dont know how to make a website, so it's also gonna take finding someone who does know how. Pfft…just wish I wasn't so clueless about this stuff sometimes.